You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize