My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
