I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
