I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
