Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize