what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I believe in your delicious
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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