I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
