yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
