He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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