guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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