So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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