Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
