By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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