Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
