Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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