I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
