Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
