There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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