are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
