HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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