You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your penis caused this!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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