Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
