I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drunk is not a location!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
