moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
