One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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