Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
