Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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