i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
