he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
