I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
