need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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