From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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