My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
