sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
