you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
