Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
