Got a toothbrush?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
