I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
