operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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