You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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