I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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