i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
