We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
