And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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