I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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