ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
