His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
