Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
your room smells of hookers.
And success
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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