I could make wine with my vomit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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