I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
