I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
