My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
