And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
