at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
