Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
