I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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