Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
