I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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