Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
