fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize