Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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