you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
