super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
