Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
