After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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