Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
