I'm so fucking centered right now
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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