Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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