My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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