i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
