But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
