I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
