i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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