so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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