Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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